My Reason for Running

 

My last post I talked about my ease into 5K series.  Well, I completed that and I just kept running and running...
I never understood why people wanted to go outside and hit the pavement.  Now I get it.  It really does clear your mind and when you go weeks without doing it you begin to feel like something is missing.  At least I do.

Why I began to run?
 I shared a little bit with you as why I began to run, but let me share a little bit more.  On April 22, 2012, I gave birth to an amazing healthy little girl.  I will just call her my Blue Butterfly.  She was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.  After two amazing days in the hospital my caseworker Marcia came to the hospital where I signed the papers to relinquish my rights as her mother.  I chose what I believe was the best decision for me and my daughter.  After much prayer and even research I knew that this beautiful blue butterfly needed to be in a home with two parents who love each other.  Also I wanted her to be in a family that believed in Eternal families and would be able to be sealed in an LDS Temple for time and all eternity.  This process was not easy.  I had two families that I fell in love with and ended up meeting them both through FaceTime.  In the end as you previously read I knew J and K were meant to be her eternal parents.  J and K are runners.  J ran in high school and college and K picked up on it later in life to have a healthy physical life.  When I saw their joy when they talked about running I decided I wanted to try it.  So May 30, 2012, I hit the pavement.  I continue to run this day because it is time I have for myself.  Running became a healing process for me.  It pushed me to realize that I cannot give up on my dreams and I can overcome any trial that comes into my life.

Placing my birth daughter has changed me.
 Placing my birth daughter is something that changed me and it changed me for the better.  This is one of my “beautiful heartbreaks.” I experienced the heartache of letting go of someone you love so much that words cannot describe.  Many might ask, “You say you love her but you let her go, how is that love?”  Well, I understand that you may not be able to grasp the love that I have for her but as you will probably hear other birth moms say, “it’s because I loved her that much that I knew I needed to let her go.”   I knew I would not be able to provide for her the life that I have imagined to give my future children.  I wanted her to be in a home with a father and mother who love each other.  I wanted her to be able to be sealed to a family for time and all eternity.  I can go into more detail but for now I just knew I would not be able to give to her what I wanted to give to her and I knew without a doubt that she was meant to be with a couple who was ready to start a family.