Sunday, October 26, 2014

Beautiful Movie

It has been far too long since I have posted.  This will be short and sweet, but I recently felt something that I feel like I have been missing for a while and that is tears.  I was able to watch "The Fault of our Stars" recently and man what a beautiful movie.  The words were beautiful and the music was AMAZING!  It helped me do what I have been wanting to do for a while which is just cry.  Let my emotions go.  It helped me release what has been bottled up for a while.  I still have a lot bottled up, but it is something I am working on.  There is one phrase that stuck with me and so I made a picture of it.  I hope everyone is doing well.  Adoption month is coming.  I have many plans to increase my journaling so hopefully you will be reading more from me soon.  Until because you are loved!

Monday, October 21, 2013

A Dance to share a story with many

Many that know me may not see a dancer in me but I see one in myself.  Dance is so beautiful and can help express so many emotions and can tell so many beautiful stories.  I have visions of dancing in my head many days I ask myself what would my dance for the day look like? What does dancing have to do about my journey well I want help creating a dance and I want to perform this dance in front of the nation.  To do this I need a choreographer and Nigel Lythgoe. :-)

One day as I was watching "So you think you Can Dance" and a thought came to me.  I want to share the story of adoption with the world through dance.  How beautiful would it be to have a stage full of birth moms dancing a dance that expresses the heartache, the beauty, the grief, and the happiness?  I began to express this dream with my family and some friends and said all I need is a song and someone who can help me choreograph it.  Then one day as I was studying and listening to Pandora a song came on called "Gracie's Theme".  A strong sense of emotion started filling my chest and I began to cry.  I shut my eyes and I started picturing this dance in my head.  I saw the beginning of the dance with that initial shock and reaction of how could this happen to me (yes I do know how it happened). Then I visioned the pain of trying to decide between parenting or placing.  Then came the part in the song where I made my decision and chose the family.  Then the final part of the song is the day of delivery with every sense of emotion going through my mind and heart.  From the happy tears of finally seeing this beautiful little girl, to the tears of realizing that she will only be mine for 2 days, then the emotion of signing the papers and giving her the life I know she needs to have with her amazing parents.  This song was such an amazing song.  Now that I have my song or the song that can be performed by many birth moms I just need the choreographer right?!?!

Who would be able to help capture these emotions?  Who would want to take on such a selfless act to help many birth moms work together to show the nation the true emotions of placing your son or daughter for adoption?  There were two choreographers that came to mind.  Two that create such beautiful masterpieces.  Travis Wall and Mia Michaels.  The dance that really hit me this past season though was Travis's dance with the musical piece by Daughter "Medicine"  This was the dance performed by Tucker Knox and Robert Roldan.  This piece was so moving and touching that I just started dreaming.  Dreaming that one day I will be able to get in contact with Travis and ask him this one huge favor.  Help me with my dance.  Help me show everyone my experience of what it was like to become a birth mom.  Don't just help me help a room full of birth moms show their pain, their courage, heartache, and their strength.

Dance helps heal the soul.  It tells so many stories and can help those in need.  I want to dance to help that teenage girl who is in need.  Who is uncertain about what she should do.  I want to dance for those families who are waiting for their child through adoption to help show them the courage that it takes (not that they don't know it but sometimes it may be hard to understand).  I want this dance to help those birth moms who hide the fact that they are a birth mom.  I want them to know that it is ok. Adoption is a beautiful thing.  Adoption helps create families.  I hope to one day make this dream a reality.

With Love,

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

21 days...well maybe we should make that 26!

They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit.  I have one habit I need to break and one I need to make.  The habit I need and want to break is not allowing time for myself.  I am always on the go.  Constantly forgetting about me (ok maybe some days I get down and moody and I think only about me), but I am saying I forget to take care of my soul house!  The habit I want to make is to start blogging more.  I want to continue to blog about my journey of placement and how I have healed and how I continue to grow, but I also just want to share my life.  I want to journal.  I want to be able to turn my blog into a hard copy one day that I can share with my family.  I have the opportunity to begin blogging here soon as a "workshop" and I am excited.  The founder of Blessings in a Basket, Ashley Mitchell, has a test group starting for a new project that she is putting together for the adoption community.  She comes up with so many amazing ideas.  I am one of the lucky and fortunate ones that she selected to be apart of the test group.  

When she sent this message out I decided to challenge myself.  First, I do not want to fall short of Ashley's expectations for those that she selected.  Second, I will start breaking my bad habit of not allowing time for myself and I will be doing this by third, taking an hour of my time to write in my blog/journal.  I will give myself time to reflect on where I have been, how far I have come, and how I have gotten here.  It feels great being back on here and writing and I know that if I do this everyday I will have a more uplifted spirit and have a continuous smile on my face.  I can't wait to come back and share my stories with you all!  Best of all I am learning how to create the blog that I have always wanted. So, not only should you be looking out for new blog posts, watch out for the amazing transformation of my blog design thanks to Shabbyblog!
Come follow me and my Journaling experience of Adoption ABC's

With Love,


Thursday, May 9, 2013

Happy Birth Mother's Day

Let me be honest with you.  A year ago when I first found out about birth mother’s day I thought it was a great concept, however, I also thought it was a day out there to belittle us birth moms and make us feel like we aren’t important.  I remember telling my family that I don’t really want to think about that day I want to be recognized on Mother’s Day.  Like I said though, that was a year ago and also three weeks after I placed my daughter.

This year (especially after talking with an amazing friend and mentor) I realized I LOVE BIRTH MOTHERS DAY!  This Saturday, May 11th is birth mothers day.  This is not a recognized holiday that you will see written on calendars or even see recognized in our society.  This day was created by birthmothers in Seattle Washington (from what I have read online) who not only wanted to educate but more importantly honor and remember those who placed their children in the arms of another mother who had been waiting for the long arrival of her child.  This group in Seattle first met the Saturday before Mother’s Day in 1990.  Thank you to this community of women that gathered together to honor what they did for them and their child.

It wasn’t until I had a conversation with a friend that my eyes were opened to Birth Mother’s Day and how this can be a day of celebration for me.  On this day not only do I get to celebrate the day I became a mother, but also the day that I became a strong individual and did what I felt was best for me and this beautiful little gift from my Heavenly Father.  Here is a quote from a video that has been circulating which I will also include below.  It says “Every time a child is born, so is a mother.”  How true that statement is.  I am not the mother that tucks her in at night, kisses her good night, or even jumps up and down with her in the morning when she wakes up.  I am the mother that was able to care for her for 9 months, protect her, nurture her, and help her grow until she was able to go home with her mother and father.  I wish I could write what my heart is trying to say but I have never been a class ‘A’ writer.  My birth daughter made me into who I am today.  She changed my life for the better.  How can someone so tiny, precious, and small change my life in a matter of seconds after meeting her?  My words would not be able to explain how, but she did.  When this little girl cried for the first time there were two mothers that were born.  These two mother now have a strong connection, an eternal bond that I pray will never be broken.

 I have posted a video a couple of times from Bravelove and I must say who ever wrote the words wrote them so well.  I love what this little boy says. 

“Not every mother can be a mom and not every mom gets to be a mother...maybe every once in a while a mom and a mother will find each other and join hands and be for the other what they can’t be for themselves. Cause even if she's not ready to be a mom, a mother can be strong and brave.  She can turn 9 months into a lifetime and a couple into a family.”

That is my favorite line. “she can turn 9 months into a lifetime”  That is so true.  I sang to her and talked with her.  I talked to her about life and love.  I told her that things aren’t going to be easy but it is true what they say “it is worth it”  I turned those 9 months into a lifetime. I am again grateful to have a day separate from Mother’s Day.  I get to acknowledge my little blue butterfly on a different day and then when I am married and have my children I will get to be blessed with mother’s day.  I will have two special days.  Two very special days.

To all those that have placed Happy Birth Mothers Day on May 11, 2013.  If you know someone hug them, honor them, and don’t let them forget what an amazing selfless act they did.  Then hug your Mom’s on Mothers Day and let them know how much you love them and you are grateful that they are your mother. 

With love,


Here is a poem that someone posted on my FaceBook wall last year on Mother’s Day.  I thought this was beautiful and explains two different kinds of love.

Once there were two women who never knew each other
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother
Two different lives shaped to make you one
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun
The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it
The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name
One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried you tears
One made an adoption plan, that was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child, and God led her straight to you.
Now, which of these two women, Are you the product of?
Both, my darling, Both, Just two different types of love.

—- Unknown